What a relief

I've finished my finals! I am so relieved. Today was extremely stressful at work. In fact, the first of the day I had plenty of energy and then I went to the gym and I became extremely worn out. I think it was the because of the stress of the test and also because I had a lot of trouble with my computer. It was very frustrating. But today I was very frustrated and when I get frustrated or stressed I tend to crave food, a lot. I want to go out and buy a greasy hamburger with fries and a big shake. I think it's to cover up feelings of pressure and failure. I've always been one to start something and never finish them so I think that is why I always ate, to cover up feelings of disappointment. I always wanted to play football, or be great at wrestling. I always wanted to go to Ohio State University and wrestle. I always heard how good the wrestling team was and that their coach was one of the best, but I was never disciplined enough to stick with something. So I never made that dream come true. When I went on my mission I lost 75lbs and I had those dreams come back because I wanted to try out for University of Utah's football team and play football, but I didn't do that either. I would try to stick to what I had taught myself while I was away and continue to lose weight, but I had friends that didn't think that I needed to stick to those changes when we hung out, but it made it even harder to return to my diet when I went home. So then I started down the road that I promised I wouldn't return too. Then when I dated my wife, I really wanted to lose more weight and be healthy and sexy for her. Deep inside I have this urge to work out hard and be the best I can with my weight loss and life change, but my desire and love for food makes it near impossible to stick to my goals because I have the hardest time denying myself the short term pleasures that hinder those wanted accomplishments. I've never sat down and thought these things out, but this is the reason for this blog, it's sort of a web journal. A way to sort out my feelings and figure out why I sabotage myself. I made it through another day. Goodnight!